Pirate MisAdvice

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 23:42:23 GMT

I'm back! Drinks all around!

Did ye miss me mates?

An' before anyone asks..th' line for slappin' me starts that way.

Yours,

Captain Jack Sparrow

Fri, 03 Oct 2003 23:16:06 GMT

It looks different in here, mates.

But..does it look better?

Thu, 02 Oct 2003 18:04:28 GMT

Woke up this morning to a sizable headache and my left foot tied about the mainmast.

That was one bloody wonderful party. It doesn't, however, explain why I am wearing this powder wig that looks disturbingly like the Governor's.

Wed, 10 Sep 2003 18:08:47 GMT

Aye, mates, I've been quiet of late. It seems that Scarlett decided that she wanted to keep the glowing box while I was at sea for a few days. No particular destination in mind, just wanted to be out on the ocean again.

The ocean is my wife. The Pearl is my mistress. Or is that the other way around? I tend to forget.

I should check on Will and see how he is doing. Or go hunt down that blasted monkey. The only flea-ridden beast that should carry my name is me...

That was a joke, mates. You know..what I said about the fleas?

Tue, 26 Aug 2003 06:51:19 GMT

I don't know where to begin. Anyone care to help?

Tue, 19 Aug 2003 18:10:50 GMT

The naked wenches are back on my glowing box again. And my only clue as to how they got there is that bloody flask that belongs to Gibbs sitting by it.

I thought I locked my door.

I'm noticing a lack of pilfered rum since we locked Mr. Cotton's' parrot up. I think we solved the problem there. Feel free to bring me your rum and your problems again.

Yours,
Captain Jack Sparrow

That's it!

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 05:53:44 GMT

Whoever is commandeering the rum that tictactacogirl is sending to me, would you stop?

Please stop?

Yer makin' her very unhappy. And I cannot abide by seein' her unhappy, savvy?

Mr. Cotton, I know you cannot see this. But if it's that rotten bird of yours we're having it for supper.

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 20:26:00 GMT

Mr. Cotton's parrot's been drinking rum. How the bloody hell does a parrot consume that much?

Do I really want the answer to that.

Must have words with Mr. Cotton. Deal with the bird, or get it in a cage.

Been having some wonderful talks with ye, mates. Hope it continues. Door's always open to Captain Jack's Quarters. Pull up a chair, a bottle, and tell me your woes.

I've also found myself askin' things of all of you. Hope ye don't mind.

Gibbs is saying a delivery's arrived. Wonder if it's that Coke stuff I was promised.

Mon, 11 Aug 2003 19:54:50 GMT

oh. I have a painting now. Does it suit me?

Thank you, voleuse. Your rum, the one bottle I haven't drank, should be arriving shortly.

Mon, 11 Aug 2003 19:49:03 GMT

Glowing box was broken.
Rum was gone.

Had to go get more rum. Used empty bottles to fix the broken glowing box. It's working now, and the naked women are gone too.

I'm somewhat disappointed.

So..now that I am properly inebriated and the glowing box is working, I can give proper advice. Scarlet seems to think that I could make money or rum out of this.

I've only made rum so far, and it's gone now. I drank it. With Scarlet.

Are you sure you still want my advice? Because I could be lying. Or I could be telling the truth, and you just wouldn't believe me. I think it depends on how much I am drinking.

Fri, 08 Aug 2003 17:58:03 GMT

The glowing box still shows me naked women. That is all.

I think I'm going to make my rounds in Tortuga. Rum, rum, woman, rum, fight, woman, rum.

Also need to tell Scarlet that the glowing box was possibly a bad idea where ol' Gibbs is concerned. I've caught him using it when he's supposed to be doing real work twice now.

Thu, 07 Aug 2003 18:20:45 GMT

So it appears that Gibbs was playing with my glowing box. It now shows me pictures of naked women all the time.

Not that this is bad...some lovely wenches indeed. However, it has been quite distracting.

I figured you would all want to know that. How are you all, mates? You're quite the talkative bunch.

I have decided on my advice for today. Whether you heed it or not is your choice:

Always have rum. Always.

Another piece of wisdom after I think about it.

Wed, 06 Aug 2003 22:54:11 GMT

Why is it that everyone has these lovely paintings of me...

...but me?

A question for all of you..

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 22:00:40 GMT

Why IS the rum gone?

Once more..

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 16:57:46 GMT

..I wasn't finished saying what I was saying.

If you REALLY want advice from a pirate, ask.

If you believe it, you might be a fool.
If you DON'T believe it, you might also be a fool.

If you don't ask, you'll never bloody know now will you?

Rum Calls. I'm answering. Meantime...say hello.

Try this again.

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 16:51:48 GMT

Have more rum. Asked a wench here what I am doing. She says I should give advice.

Well well well. Advice from a pirate. Fancy that.

From Tortuga with love...

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 16:49:50 GMT

It's not a ship, and I don't have enough rum yet to make it work.